Have you ever been caught between two people’s tension or found yourself venting to someone instead of addressing the issue directly? This is called triangulation, and it’s a common pattern that can quietly damage relationships.

At our women’s counseling center, we often see this dynamic show up in families, friendships, and even the workplace. While not always intentional, triangulation creates emotional distance and confusion.

What Is Triangulation?

Triangulation happens when two people avoid direct communication and instead involve a third person to manage their emotions or conflict.

Why It Matters:

• It creates misunderstandings and blurred boundaries.
• It prevents direct problem-solving and fuels resentment.
• It can make the third person feel overwhelmed or responsible.

Healthier Ways to Cope:

• Notice the pattern – Ask yourself: “Am I avoiding a direct conversation by going to someone else?”
• Name your emotions – Are you feeling afraid, rejected, or anxious about confrontation?
• Practice direct communication – It doesn’t have to be perfect. What matters is clarity and honesty.
• Set gentle boundaries – If someone brings you into a conflict, try: “It sounds like you should talk to her directly about that.”
• Seek support intentionally – Processing with a therapist or friend is different from using them to avoid conflict.

Learning to recognize and step out of these patterns can create stronger, more honest relationships.

We are here. We understand.